Are You Truly Happy?

In today’s time, it is pretty obvious what a healthy and unhealthy relationship looks like. It is quite easy to distinguish between the two. Well, that is when you are on the outside looking in. The phrase “blinded by love” is legit. I, myself, have been there. But, I will get into my personal story later. Right now I would like to list a few points that are important in a healthy and unhealthy relationship.

A healthy relationship is when two people build a connection based on respect, trust, honesty, support, and the 5 C’s I listed above. You should feel comfortable enough with your partner to be able to talk about anything in the world and feel as if they will not judge you. Commitment, compromising, caring, and companionship are all aspects of a relationship where you and your partner have to agree. You need to make it clear that you are committed to one another and you’re in it together. You, both, will need to compromise at different times throughout the relationship. It is not a one way street! Then, the caring and companionship should fall in line accordingly.

An unhealthy relationship is where things take a turn and become toxic. The key points I listed above are just a few things I could think of to define an unhealthy relationship. An abusive relationship without a doubt is unhealthy and is what most people think of when they think about toxic relationships. However, abuse is not the only thing that is unhealthy. Someone who likes to have control over what you do and what happens within the relationship, bringing insecurities into the relationship, someone being hostile, dishonest, and/or disrespectful are all components of an unhealthy relationship. These things can lead to anxiety, depression, stress, and even medical issues.

So I ask…are you truly happy in your relationship? We, millennials, spend a lot of our time on social media. Whether it is Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, etc. we are being exposed to “idols”. We follow people who we may look up to and idolize. I, myself, follow celebrity couples who I admire based on how they interact with one another and display the “ideal image” of a healthy relationship. So I say all of that to say this…often times people are putting on for social media. Many portray that they are happy by posting different statuses and sharing different pictures of them and their partner, but behind closed doors they are unhappy. There has to come a time where we do not care about what other people think or may say. It is your life to live! Do what makes you happy! Take a step back and analyze your relationship. Are you truly happy? Are you in a healthy relationship? This is something I had to do which leads me into my story.

I have had my fair share of relationships. Some were serious and some were not serious at all. Some lasting a couple of months and some lasting years. Most of them being healthy, but there was this one that was TOXIC. In this relationship, the guy was very controlling. He had been controlling from the very beginning, but, like I said in the beginning, I was blinded by love. I wasn’t able to follow any of my previous boyfriends on any social media account. I wasn’t able to like a guy’s picture on Instragram or Facebook without it being an issue. I wasn’t able to respond back to an innocent DM without it being an issue. On the weekends I had to be with him. If I wanted to spend time with my family or my friends one weekend, it led to a big argument because he had trust issues and insecurities. I completely lost myself as a human being because I thought this was love. I catered to him and what he wanted at all times. I strongly believe in not giving up and putting my all into everything, so that is what I was doing. Until one day I didn’t have anything left to give. After years and years of being controlled and being in this unhealthy relationship nobody knew about (because I keep my personal life personal) I was tired. I was drained. I was tired of pretending to be happy when deep down I was not happy. Over the years I cannot count how many times this guy broke up with me but, the last time was the LAST TIME!!! It took some time, but I finally came to my senses and realized my worth.

A few months later I began to date and met someone new. This is a guy who was dealing with me recovering from the past relationship I was just in. This is a guy who was patient enough to help lift me up out of a dark place. This is a guy who cared enough to put a broken heart back together that he did not break. This guy connected with me mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. He saw me for who I was on the inside. He would sit with me and pray. He was my shoulder to cry on. I could talk to him about anything and he never judged me. He stayed by my side while my ex boyfriend was doing things you couldn’t even imagine that should have effected our relationship. He, truly, cared about me and made sure I was happy and okay. We would have “daily deeps” every night where we discussed topics that were important to us, which gave us a better understanding of one another. We, later, decided to make our relationship official and be committed to each other. There’s been a lot of compromises made on both ends to better the relationship. We care for each other and love spending time with each other…but we, also, make time for our family and friends as well. We balance each other out! I think it took me being in an unhealthy relationship to really cherish and appreciate this healthy relationship and I couldn’t be more thankful for this one!