In the book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, Dr. John Gray uses the metaphor women are like waves to discuss their intimacy cycle. She rises and falls in a wave-like motion. When she is feeling really good, she will reach a peak, but then her mood may change and her wave crashes down. After she reaches bottom, her mood will shift and she feel good about herself again. During this down time is when she needs to talk about problems and be heard and understood. Dr. Gray’s wife referred to the experience of “crashing” or “going down” for a woman is like going into a dark well. When a woman goes into her “well” she is consciously sinking into her unconscious self, into darkness and diffused feeling. She may experience a host of unexplained emotions and vague feelings.
A woman’s ability to give and receive love in her relationships is generally a reflection of how she is feeling about herself. If she isn’t feeling good about herself, then it best to go into her well until she can’t go any deeper. When a woman’s wave crashes, it is a time of emotional cleansing. Without this cleansing, a woman slowly loses her ability to love and grow in love. It is important to tend to all of the emotions (positive and negative) she is feeling. Some women who avoid dealing with their negative emotions and resist the natural wave of their feelings experience premenstrual syndrome (PMS). There is a strong correlation between PMS and the inability to cope with feelings in a positive way. In some cases, women who have learned to successfully deal with their feelings during their intimacy cycle have felt their PMS symptoms disappear. However, that is a topic for a different day!
It is best to show support during this time. Don’t be judgmental. Don’t give criticism. Don’t try to help. Just simply support her during the “crash” of her intimacy cycle. Listen, be attentive, and show you care!
Love 101 