In previous posts, I have discussed how men are like rubber bands and women are like waves. In this post I will explain how you may support your partner’s intimacy cycle and how you may obstruct your partner’s intimacy cycle.
Supporting Men and Women
Ladies!!! Fellas!!! Whether we would like to admit it or not, we both have our low moments and we both would like to feel loved and supported during those low moments. The intimacy cycle is inevitable. It is natural. It is TEMPORARY! Sometimes we don’t even realize we are going through this cycle. All we know is that we need our time and space apart. It is okay! Since we both experience intimacy cycles, we both need the same type of support from our partner during this time. The best way to show support to your partner is to: be a listening ear, be sympathetic, and be reassuring. Reassurance is most likely needed now more than ever.
When a man or woman feels more and more supported during these difficult times, they begin to trust the relationship and is able to journey in and out of their intimacy cycles without conflict in the relationship. This is a blessing of a loving relationship. The support is a special gift that will be greatly appreciated.
Obstructing Men’s Intimacy Cycle
Although we may be on one accord when it comes to support, we obstruct each other in different ways. Two ways to obstruct a man’s intimacy cycle are by: chasing him when he pulls away and punishing him for pulling away.
Chasing Behaviors
- Physical – physically following him if he walks into another room or not doing the things you would like to do so you attend to your partner
- Emotional – worrying, feeling sorry, pleading, smothering him, and disapproving his need to be alone
- Mental – asking guilt-inducing questions, becoming overly accommodating, and withholding true feelings
Punishing Behaviors
- Physical – rejecting him when he returns (which may create an anger in him that blocks him from feeling his desire for intimacy)
- Emotional – being unhappy and blaming him when he returns ( which may make him feel incapable of fulfilling you)
- Mental – refusing to open up and share feelings when he returns ( which may cause a feeling of unworthiness and rejection)
If a man is not supported during his intimacy cycle, he may unconsciously create arguments because he was not able to have that space/time away that he needed. Once he grows to understand his own cycles, he will be able reassure you that when he pulls away, he will be back.
Obstructing Women’s Intimacy Cycle
“To expect a woman’s loving nature to be constant is like expecting the weather to never change and the sun to shine all the time.”
Do not try to “fix” the problem. Often times trying to help a women during her “crash” of her intimacy cycle, will backfire and make matters worse. The last thing she needs when on her way down is someone telling her why she should not be down and another thing is asking her why is she down. DO NOT DO IT! When a woman goes into her “well” her deepest issues tend to surface. 9 times out 10 it has nothing to do with your relationship. The feelings are usually heavily charged from a past relationship or her childhood.
This is a time when she needs her partner the most and it is not a problem to be solved, but an opportunity to support her with unconditional love. When a woman’s “wave crashes”, she tends to be overwhelmed, more emotionally reactive, and vulnerable. Offer her love, affection, and support. Take note, she will not necessarily feel better right away after she has received your love, affection, and supporting. Thinking this can obstruct the intimacy cycle.
Avoid obstructing each others’ intimacy cycles! When one doesn’t feel supported, eventually, they will begin to suppress their negative feelings. When negative feelings are suppressed, then positive feelings become suppressed and love dies 😦
*Information from Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by Dr. John Gray*
Love 101 