Women often times complain about their partner being loving in the beginning of the relationship, but then gradually becomes passive. Below are list of five major reasons a man stops giving that Dr. John Gray addresses in his book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
- Men idealize fairness. A man thinks because he has had a productive day at work that he just gained fifty points and he comes home thinking it is time for his partner to gain fifty points without realizing in her book he has only gained one point. In his mind this is fair.
- Women idealize unconditional love. Women give freely and assume men will do the same. But as stated in the previous blog post, men view scoring points differently than women. A man gives freely until the score, as he perceives it, gets uneven, then he stops giving. Women allow him to do little things for you and encourage him by asking for his support in little ways then appreciate him.
- Men give when they are asked. Men pride themselves in being self-sufficient. They do not ask for help unless they absolutely need it. Women, however, like to offer their support right away. Since, men and women think differently, a man does not know that a woman is waiting for him to offer his support in a situation. So he stops giving because he is waiting to be asked for it.
- Women say yes when the score is uneven. Men do not realize that when they ask for support, a woman will say yes even if the score if uneven. If they can support their man, then they will. A man mistakenly assumes the score is even when is it not because she says yes which causes him to stop giving.
- Men give penalty points. Women do not know that men give penalty points when they feel unloved and unsupported. When a woman reacts to a man in an untrusting, rejecting, disapproving, or unappreciative way, he gives her penalty points. If he negates in his mind all of the loving support she has given when she does express some negativity, he then loses his motivation to give. He will become passive.
The most difficult part about the above process is knowing what hurt him. For the most part, when a man withdraws into his cave, he more than likely does not even know what hurt him. Then, when he comes out he does not talk about it because he does not even know what happened. When you are able to recognize how he has been hurt, let him know that you are sorry. Most importantly, give him the love that he did not receive. Communicate with one another. The more a woman is able to open up and share her feelings in a respectful way, the more a man is able to learn to open up and share his hurt and pain.
Love 101 