Most mainstream advice for difficulties having orgasms usually stems around desire, arousal, pleasure, ignition, etc. There are two parts of the brain. One being the accelerator (gas pedal) and one being the brakes. Most assume when there are difficulties having orgasms that there are not enough stimulations to the accelerator, when in reality, the issue is there are too many stimulations to the brakes. You must identify what hits the gas pedal and what hits the brakes. What are your turn ons and turn offs. Pay attention to your body in situations and make a mental note of what you like and dislike.
Develop a relationship with your body. Follow your own rules during sex and do what feels good to you. Do not judge yourself based on what pleases you and do not pretend you are being pleased if you are not truly being pleased. Explore what pleasure looks like and feels like for you. Communicate those things with your partner.
Those who say they can go without sex usually have not experienced sex worth wanting, which is okay because those people can get to that point. There are lots of different stimulations and lots of different ways to allow your body to have an orgasm. Each body is different which is why it will take some exploration for you to figure out what your body likes.
Suggestions:
- Make a list of things that stimulate the accelerator and the brakes. Be sure to consider the context
- The brain interprets a sensation based on the situation in which that sensation is happening
- Think of the context when you have had amazing sex
- Sometimes your partner just isn’t the partner for you
*Information gathered from the podcast Girls Gotta Eat with expert Dr. Emily Nagoski*
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