What’s Your Apology Language?

The 5 Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman

I’m sure many of you have heard about the 5 love languages and, hopefully, you all have taken the love language quiz to determine how you like to give/receive love. Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Languages of Love, also wrote a book titled The 5 Languages of Apology because they both are necessary in a healthy relationship. Take a look at the 5 apology languages:

1. Expressing Regret – This apology language is an admission of guilt and shame for causing someone pain. This type of apology shows remorse and includes the effects of your hurtful actions. Expressing regret takes full ownership of your wrongdoing. This type of apology is a sincere commitment to repair the relationship.
2. Accepting Responsibility – This apology language is admitting to your mistakes and accepting responsibility for your failures. We all are going to make poor decisions and we all must admit when we are wrong. Saying “I am wrong”does not only accept responsibility, but shows you are sincere and the apology was meaningful.
3. Making Restitution – This apology language includes finding a way to correct the situation. This ties into knowing your partner’s love language because if you know their love language, then it is easier to make restitution in an effective way. For example, if your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, then buying them a gift as an apology would show them the sincerity in your apology.
4. Genuinely Repenting – A change of behavior is required with this type of apology. Saying “I’m sorry” is not enough with this apology language. You make a plan for change. This could be the convincing factor in an apology to show your partner your desire to modify your behavior. Being vulnerable to admit your wrongs and verbalizing your desire to change shows how sincere you are.
5. Requesting Forgiveness – In some relationships, a partner may want to hear you physically ask for forgiveness. They want assurance that their partner recognizes the need for forgiveness. On the other end, this type of apology leaves time for their partner to process everything and leaves space for things to return back to normal. Asking for forgiveness gives the hurting partner the power and the time to make a decision.

How do you apologize? How do you like to receive an apology? Still unsure? Then, try taking the short quiz!