Blaming others for our pain is our go-to mechanism. We are quick to demonize rather than empathize. The culture of blame keeps us safe.
There is a cultural storyline that glorifies transformation. Suffering, in fact, allows you to grow. Unaddressed, unacknowledged pain does not go away. Feeling WITH yourself and others (empathy) is the hallmark of development. Pain has to be given true space to be welcomed and understood. Do not rush redemption!
Safety is what we want the most. Safety in the form of love, companionship, and connection. Telling the truth allows us to connect. We can recognize pain and grief as a healthy response to loss. We can respond with grace, rather than blame. We can respond by loving one another. Acknowledgement is the only real medicine to grief.
Reference: Devine, Megan. (2017). It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand. Sounds True, Inc.
Love 101 