Depending on whether you are a pursuer or distancer usually depends on your upbringing. The attachment theory gives background on why you may be one of the two.
Secure
Avoidant
Anxious
Securely attached people generally had a healthy childhood and are better at approaching intimate relationships.
Avoidant people find intimacy more of a struggle, often because of a trauma in early life, such as neglect, poor parenting, or an abusive relationship.
Anxiously attached people may have experienced inconsistency as a child and needs an intimate relationship.
Pursuer
Distancer
The pursuer is the one who initiates intimacy, whether it is sexually or emotionally. A sexual pursuer initiates sexual intimacy. An emotional pursuer initiates non-sexual intimacy.
The distancer is the one who shy away from intimacy. If they are a sexual distancer, then they are most likely an emotional pursuer and vice versa.
Outcome
The pursuer will often feel rejected, demanding, and abandoned if their partner is a distancer. The distancer will often feel as if they are not good enough for their partner because needs are not being met. This situation leads to both parties feeling stressed and causes friction within the relationship.
Quick Tip
Talk to your partner and find out why they may be a distancer if it causes problems within your relationship. Open communication is key, especially if your partner experienced neglect, abuse, trauma, etc. Compromising is also key. Be willing to meet each other half way.
Love 101 