The ability to control emotions and understand them is to have a high EQ ( Emotional Intelligence). Having a high EQ means you are less likely to act on impulses and have the ability to be aware of emotions and control them. When you have a high EQ, you naturally promote success and happiness.
Emotional Intelligence allows you to develop 5 skills:
Self Awareness – you are able to recognize and understand emotions while having a large emotional vocabulary
Self Regulation – you are able to manage emotions and act accordingly
Motivation – you are encouraged to move closer to your goals
Empathy – you are able to understand others emotions and feelings
Social Skills – you are able to use the other 4 skills to behave in a social setting
To me, assertiveness = freedom. Being assertive is the first step in taking back your time, energy, and, really, your life. You must be assertive in order for your affirmations and manifestations to prosper, so I am going to start with everyday assertiveness.
Everyday Assertiveness
Being assertive allows people to know where you stand. It requires a deep look into relationships with others, but most importantly, yourself! Being assertive allows you to protect your values, availability, capability, and needs. Every human has 6 needs:
Certainty – the need for consistency, stability, and safety
Variety – the need for diversity, challenge, and adventure
Significance – the need to feel needed, wanted, and validated
Love & Connection – the need for communication and intimacy
Growth – the need for intellectual, spiritual, physical, and emotional development
Contribution – the need to do good, serve others, give, and protect
Never apologize for what you are due as a human being!
Now, moving onto affirmations because, like I stated before, I think the two go hand in hand.
Affirmations
Be Confident
Stay Beautiful (inside and out)
You Are Unstoppable
Men and women tend to have a “confidence gap” due to all of the things we have to juggle in life such as gender roles, physical and emotional labor, workplace expectations, etc. To combat these things, we must speak positive statements out loud daily. We MUST think positive every day! Speaking affirmations helps us stand ten toes on being assertive about our needs. Each day speak statements that begin with something similar to “I am…..”, and “I will…”, NOT “I’ll try….” because the word “try” does not hold you fully accountable.
Being mentally strong is not all about acting tough. Mental strength does not require you to ignore your emotions. You do not have to treat your body like a machine. You do not have to be self-reliant. Being mentally strong is not about positive thinking. It is not about chasing happiness. Being mentally strong is not synonymous with mental health. Being mentally strong is, just that…being strong! Mentally!
3 Ways to Develop Mental Strength
Genetics – genes play a role in mental health
Personality – different characteristic traits can help you think positively
Experiences – life experiences influence your thinking
3-Pronged Approach
Thoughts – identify negative thoughts you may have and replace them with positive thoughts
Behaviors – always behave positively regardless
Emotions – control your emotions and do not let them control you
We all know about the “Hoe Phase” and we all, most likely, have had one. However, each person’s hoe phase is different. There are different ends of the spectrum. On one end it may mean you just talked to multiple people at one time and on the other end maybe you slept with multiple people in a short time frame. But, at the end of the day, your hoe phase is no one else’s business.
A hoe phase could be looked at as a mindset. It could be a moment after a hard break up. It could be a moment after having a baby. It could even be during a relationship when you have lost the spark with your partner and are looking for a rush.
Benefits of a Hoe Phase
Can learn to communicate what you like without being judged
Can explore who all is available without any regrets
Can learn what you like and dislike in a relationship
Tips during a Hoe Phase
If a person tells you that they are not ready for a relationship…BELIEVE THEM!
If it is meant to be a hoe phase, then DO NOT act like it is a relationship!
First off, let me start by saying if you have not watched Sex, Love, and Goop on Netflix, then please do so! Especially if you are looking to take things in the bedroom to new heights!
Experts Gwyneth, Jaiya, Amina, Darshana, Kato, and others all work with Goop. During the Netflix series, they introduce the 5 Erotic Blueprints and each expert expands on each blueprint during the series. Below are the 5 Erotic Blueprints:
Energetic – turned on by anticipation
Sensual – turned on by all 5 senses
Sexual – turned on by sex
Kinky – turned on by what is seen as “taboo”, not necessarily just whips and chains
Shape Shifter – turned on by all of the above
If you are interested in learning which blueprint you may be, then take the quiz and learn more!
Boundaries in the spiritual world are often times hard to see because they are not physical boundaries such as fences, walls, or hedges. Often times when you read relationship advice, there is a statement somewhere about setting boundaries. The book “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend helps clarify these intangible boundaries.
Boundaries define who you are; they define your soul. You must guard them and maintain them like your life depends on them. Boundaries tell someone who you are and who you will not be. Setting boundaries is a way of taking ownership over your life.
The concept of boundaries comes from the Bible and the nature of God. God designed a world where we all live “within” ourselves. We are responsible for the things that make us who we are. God has boundaries! He confronts sin and allows consequences for behavior. As so should you when someone does not respect a boundary you have for yourself. God guards his house and does not let evil things inside of his space. Again, as so should you! Take note that the “gates” of his boundaries opens and closes appropriately. Your gates should do the same.
Below there are 5 different aspects in life that are examples of boundaries:
Skin – The most basic boundary that defines you is your skin. This is a physical boundary. Your skin protects your body. Your skin also has openings that lets the good in and the bad out (i.e. food and waste).
Words – Being clear about your no and your yes is a theme that runs throughout the Bible (Matt. 5:37 and James 5:12). Communicate your feelings, intentions, or dislikes to whoever needs to hear them.
Truth – “You will reap what you sow” (Gal. 6:7) is a phrase used many times. This means you will either define yourself in relation to that reality, or continue to go against it and continue to get hurt. Honesty about who you are gives you the biblical value of integrity.
Geographical Distance – Sometimes physically removing yourself from a situation is establishing a boundary. The Bible urges us to separate from those who continue to hurt us and to create a safe place for ourselves.
Time – Take time away from something to regain ownership or take the time to create new boundaries
To dive deeper, consider reading the book Boundaries.
Most mainstream advice for difficulties having orgasms usually stems around desire, arousal, pleasure, ignition, etc. There are two parts of the brain. One being the accelerator (gas pedal) and one being the brakes. Most assume when there are difficulties having orgasms that there are not enough stimulations to the accelerator, when in reality, the issue is there are too many stimulations to the brakes. You must identify what hits the gas pedal and what hits the brakes. What are your turn ons and turn offs. Pay attention to your body in situations and make a mental note of what you like and dislike.
Develop a relationship with your body. Follow your own rules during sex and do what feels good to you. Do not judge yourself based on what pleases you and do not pretend you are being pleased if you are not truly being pleased. Explore what pleasure looks like and feels like for you. Communicate those things with your partner.
Those who say they can go without sex usually have not experienced sex worth wanting, which is okay because those people can get to that point. There are lots of different stimulations and lots of different ways to allow your body to have an orgasm. Each body is different which is why it will take some exploration for you to figure out what your body likes.
Suggestions:
Make a list of things that stimulate the accelerator and the brakes. Be sure to consider the context
The brain interprets a sensation based on the situation in which that sensation is happening
Think of the context when you have had amazing sex
Sometimes your partner just isn’t the partner for you
*Information gathered from the podcast Girls Gotta Eat with expert Dr. Emily Nagoski*
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or narcissism, is a personality disorder characterized by a sense of grandiosity, the need for attention and admiration, superficial interpersonal relationships, and a lack of empathy. It often accompanies other psychiatric disorders and can be difficult to treat.
Google
Statistics
Only 1% to 6% are diagnosed with NPD. The percentage is very low because people usually don’t visit a mental health professional due to the fact that most don’t see they have a problem. Research shows that there are some genetic involvement and central nervous system involvement, but majority comes from something in a person’s early environment that was invalidating. People who display narcissistic traits usually have deep feelings of inadequacy and insecurities.
Why Do We Love Narcissists?
Narcissists look good on paper. They have the “C-Suite” (Charm, Confidence, Charisma, Curious, and Comforting). During the first phase of a relationship with a narcissist, they make everything peaches and cream. This phase is called the “Love Bombing” phase. They take you on the best dates to the nicest restaurants and bars, buy you gifts, and give you that fairytale love story. Hence, they like to do things they think will make them look good to the world. But, once they realize they got you, things change.
Trauma Bonding
Trauma Bonding is the next phase of the relationship. When things just aren’t peaches and cream anymore. You’re constantly fighting for the same love and attention you were getting during the “Love Bombing” phase. The narcissist begins justifying their unhealthy patterns, devaluing you, and crumble you so that they can always control you.
Advice
These type of people are not likely to change and if they ever do change, then it will most likely not be on your watch. They have to recognize the narcissistic traits they have, want the help, and get the help from a good therapist. Like I stated in the beginning of this blog, most narcissistic people do not see anything wrong, so therefore, they do not want help or seek help. So, my advice to you is to leave this person for good. There is no need in wasting more of your time. There is no need in putting yourself through more hurt. There is no need in trying to change someone who is most likely not going to change.
*Cue Lucid Dreams by Juice WRLD* Based on an interview with psychotherapist/specialist Kara Catrelle on the Girls Gotta Eat podcast
During this time of Mercury in Retrograde, I, as well as others, have been experiencing things outside of the norm. One thing being vivid dreams. I just so happen to come across this podcast where a specialist dives into the analysis of dreams and she, in fact, states there is direct correlation to astrology.
Dreams are physiological and psychological. They should be looked at literally and metaphorically. Determine your association with the dreams you have because dreams allow us to enter into a different state of consciousness. Allow you dreams to become a spiritual practice.
Spiritual Practice
When you have a dream try to move as less as possible or keep repeating the dream over and over in your head until you are able to write it down. Write down as much as you can remember about your dreams and keep a journal tracking your dreams. Identify how you felt during the dream because negative feelings during a dream usually stem from unmet needs you have not discussed. What are those unmet needs? Also, keeping a journal allows you to look back at old dreams and see if any dreams are reoccurring. Reoccurring dreams, typically, means that you have not received the message intended.
Oftentimes, people dream about exes or sex. During the interview with Kara she touched bases on both of these.
Exes
You may want to seek a therapist when you begin to have dreams about exes because there is something there that you need to dive deeper into. Maybe you need closure, maybe there’s some unfinished business, or longing desires that need to be addressed. Dreams about an ex are usually projecting unconscious potential.
Sex
Dreams about sex often means you have desires that you may be afraid to discuss. There is something about you that you have pushed to the side or a part of you that you are trying to connect with. If you are having dreams about sleeping with someone other than your partner or your partner sleeping with someone other than you, then 9 times out of 10, those dreams are usually true.
*Fun fact: THC products diminishes your dream capacity*
We have reached the last blog of the “Why Men Love B******” series 😦
If you have been reading my blogs weekly and been on the journey of becoming a new and improved b****, then you know being a b**** is not a bad thing. She is not someone who is abrasive. She is not mean. She does not nag. She is someone who speaks with her actions.
B**** (noun): A woman who will not band her head against the wall obsessing over someone else’s opinion–be it a man or anyone else in her life. She understands that if someone does not approve of her, it is just one person’s opinion. Therefore, it is not important. She does not try to live up to anyone else’s standards–only her own. Because of this she relates to a man very differently. She perceives herself differently. She is a Babe In Total Control of Herself!
Sherry Argov
There are 4 key components to a new and improved b****:
she stands her ground
she is never fully conquered
she is defined from within
she has a strong will and faith in herself
Thank you all for reading and good luck on your journey of being the new and improved b**** 🙂
Love 101 