Love 101

Dissecting a Pattern

*Part Two of the Girls Gotta Eat Manifestation Blog*

Some of you may have noticed that you are attracting the same type of men. Why? 9 times out of 10 you are attracting men you know are not good for you because you have not taken the time for yourself to love yourself and understand your worth. When you start taking care of yourself you start to feel better, you start to look better, and you start to attract better. It all starts within you!

So with that being said, it is time to dissect this pattern by manifesting the type of man you would like to enter into your life. The type of man who is husband material. Speak it, believe it, and let it go! (Remember from part one in the previous blog?)

Now, during the “let go” phase, I challenge you to a 40 day challenge. For 40 days, there must be ZERO type of flirty energy coming from you. No text messages, no phone calls, no dates, nothing that will give a guy the idea that you are interested in dating him. You may have friendships, but make sure friends is all it is. Why I say this? You are engaging and welcoming the energy you do not want by being flirty. So don’t flirt! If you do come across someone you would like to be friends with, then make sure they are aware that you are not dating at the moment and stand your ground. Besides, being friends first will lead to a healthy relationship when the time comes.

Triggers and tests are going to happen! Whether it may be an ex, a new guy you find attractive, or whatever the case may be. That is the universe sending you distractions to see how focused you are on this 40 day challenge. It is seeing how strong your faith/beliefs are and whether you truly believe in what you have manifested.

Be dedicated! Buy a journal and write in your journal for the whole 40 days. Document how you may feel, what tests were thrown your way, what progress you may be making, etc. Monitor your growth! I promise you will see a change in who you are, the love you have for yourself, and the amount of self-worth you will have at the end will be unmatched!

Once you have completed the 40 days, see where you are. You may be ready to date or may feel like you need more time! Just remember, you must love yourself first and respect yourself first before anyone else will love and respect you!

Spells, Rituals, Root Work, Magic, Manifestation

5 words…same thing! Hear me out…

Manifestation is a common word everyone is using now, but in order to manifest…spells, rituals, root work, and magic all take place. A negative connotation tags along with “spells”, “rituals”, “root work”, and “magic” but, let me explain to you how they are all correlate! When you are speaking words of affirmation into the atmosphere (manifestation right?), you are speaking a spell. A spell is a shift in energy or intentions. The magical component is the energy you are projecting into the universe. You must become a vibrational match for what you want in life. Still confused? Let me break it down even more!

First things first, when manifesting what you would like to achieve in life, you must first begin with a ritual. Your ritual is creating your target for what you want. This transforms you as a being as well as your beliefs to prepare you for the greatness that is about to come due to this “manifestation” taking place. Second, is the magical component (your energy). You must make sure you are in good place. Your energy is positive and you are ready to receive what you are wanting. Then, comes the “spells”. Speaking what you want into the atmosphere with a strong belief that what you are asking for you will receive is considered a spell.

See how they all correlate? Now granted, different people view this differently! Everyone has a right to their own opinion and how they view things. I am just here to bring your attention to the similarities in each.

So, in order to manifest:

Make sure you have dealt with your negative emotions. You must acknowledge your negative energy and emotions in order to reach the positive energy and emotions.
Actually project what you want into the atmosphere (words of affirmation). Part of magic is sound (your voice).
Make sure you have an insane amount of belief and believe that what you are asking for will happen in life.

Speak it, Believe it, and Let it go!

Do not spend a lot of time dwelling on what you are manifesting. Speak it, believe it, then let it go. All it takes is maybe 5 minutes. Then, let the universe handle the rest!

*The information in this blog is from the Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. This is part one to discuss manifestation. Part two will come next week to discuss how to manifest the relationship you are wanting!*

Starting a New Life

*”The Start of Something Newwww” (in my Vanessa Hudgens voice from High School Musical)*

Sorry if you did not get the reference, but that is the first thing that popped into my mind when someone requested this blog topic. But, all jokes aside! Lets dive into how to start a new life. Now, whether you have recently ended a relationship, are relocating for a job, lost everything due to a natural disaster, or whatever the case may be here are two different approaches to starting a new life.

First Approach

Decide on what you want
- what is important to you
- set clear goals & determine what you need to do to achieve them
Consider the consequences
- what will you gain from making this change
- what might you be giving up from making this change
Assess the obstacles
- determine who/what will be effected by this change
- if relocating, consider the cost of living
Make a plan
- list the area of your life you need to change (career, location, significant other, friend, etc.)
- list the goals
- prioritize the goals
- list the steps it will take to accomplish the goals
Revise the plan
- break down the plan into manageable tasks
- do not rush
- continue to revise throughout the process of starting over

Second Approach

Start a new routine
- begin to do things outside of your “norm”
- switch up the order in which you usually do things
Keep the focus on yourself
- do not compare yourself to others
- your journey is your own path
Seek help
- it is okay to seek emotional support from others
- if needed, seek a therapist for professional help
Be patient
- starting a new life is a process
- your new life will, eventually, unfold

Bringing Glory to God

Blog #4 of the Relationship Goals series based on the book written by Michael Todd

Is the person I am dating bringing glory to God?

First of all, if both parties are not following God, then the relationship is not going to bring glory to God. Regardless of what the person is saying about their faith and relationship with God, you must watch their behavior. How do they carry themselves? How do they handle tough situations? In a nutshell, how do they live their life? The answer to those questions should tell you whether they are really following God or not. Now, being realistic, no one is perfect. I am not saying they should be. However, the person should be showing progression. They should always be working towards the next person God has called them to be.

Is how we are dating bringing glory to God?

Are the two of you “equally yoked”? Yoke was another word used for oxen. Equally yoked originated from farmers who wanted oxen who were equal. A farmers goal was to have the oxen walk in a straight line to plow the field. However, if one oxen was stronger than the other, then that was impossible. Same thing applies to relationships. Being equally yoked is for the greater good because it is about the peace, productivity, and well being of the relationship. The two of you should be headed in the same direction. Have the same goal you are trying to accomplish as ONE!

Soul Ties vs. Twin Flames

In the spiritual world, a soul tie means two souls have been tied together in the spiritual realm. When two people come together and love each other unconditionally without fear, limits, and reservations, then they are considered soulmates. Soul tie = soulmate! Soulmate love is the kind of love that is considered to be the highest caliber of unconditional love. The type of love that lasts a lifetime!

Twin flame love is a bit more intense and complex. A twin flame is an experience you are supposed to grow and learn from. You gain knowledge and become a better person from being involved with this person. You learn life lessons from each other all while fueling your plane of unconditional love. The connection between the two of you is intense no matter how much time you spend apart, that spark always come back. Nothing can stand between the two of you! A twin flame is, also, true unconditional love between you two. You can handle separation because you know that they are thinking of you, no matter what is going on with them or who they’re with.

Many of you have been following Love 101 on social media and have participated in numerous amounts of conversations on this topic. Many have questioned why I don’t believe in a soul tie, but believe in a twin flame. Here are my thoughts:

A soul tie or soulmate is defined as two people who come together and love each other unconditionally without fear, limits, and reservations. Many believe they should only have one true soulmate a lifetime, right? Personally, I believe in every relationship I love unconditionally without fear, limits, and reservations so if that is true, then I would have about 3 soulmates? Negative! Lol so that is why I don’t believe in soul ties. I, also, do not believe in soul ties because I believe you can cut ties. If two souls are tied together in a spiritual realm, then they shouldn’t be able to be cut apart. My opinion!
Now, I do believe in twin flames. I believe there are people placed in your life who become significant others because they fill the plane of unconditional love. You learn from each other. Grow as an individual. Become a better human being because of your experiences from dating them. I believe you can have a connection with someone so intense that it’ll always be there no matter what.

I hope you have gain some insight on soul ties and twin flames! Thanks for reading 🙂

U.G.L.Y

Blog #3 of the Relationship Goals series based on the book written by Michael Todd

U Gotta Love Yourself

“Love thy neighbor as yourself.”
Matthew 22:37-39

You must love yourself before you can love anybody else. Loving yourself sets the standards for how anyone else will love you and treat you. Reasons you should love yourself:

God created a beautiful human being

You are a blessing, a beautiful creation, and have been placed on this Earth with a purpose. You must love who you were, who you are, and who you will become. Love every flaw and imperfection you may think you have. Truly and meaningfully get to know yourself. Once you fall in love with who you are, your whole world will change!

Respect

I always tell people if you do not respect yourself, then no one else is going to respect you. Respect goes a long way! Treat your mind, body, and soul how you would want someone else to. Take ownership of your peace, your space, your morals, your goals, everything that makes you who you are! Once you do those things, everyone else in your life will follow suit.

Love others

Another thing I tell people is that you cannot fully, truly, and wholeheartedly love someone else until you love yourself. U.G.L.Y (U Gotta Love Yourself) in order to love others. That energy, those vibrations, and your aura all plays a factor in how you treat others. Think about it, when you are not feeling your best one day and your energy is off, it effects those who are around you. It’s contagious! If you love yourself and feel good about yourself, then those vibrations will radiate and be passed on to others.

Progression to Romantic Relationships

Blog #2 of the Relationship Goals series based on the book written by Michael Todd

Singleness > Dating > Engagement > Marriage > Love > Children

Singleness is the most important season. During this season God reveals to you who you truly are. All of the aspects listed below becomes more clear to you during this season:

Self Awareness
Focused
Purpose
Healing

Patience – one of the fruits of the spirit – allows you to indulge in all of those. Each of those aspects of your life should become stronger than ever during this season. Singleness is a phase of preparation. You are preparing yourself for a relationship. You must invest in yourself before you can invest into someone else.

Singleness > Dating > Engagement > Marriage > Love > Children

Now, when I say dating, I am talking about exclusively dating one person at one time. Get to know someone and date them with intentions. Date with the goal being long term. You have a purpose and you have a goal. Recreational dating may be fun, but it becomes very devastating and harmful. Intentional dating will, soon, lead you to a covenant marriage, which leads us to engagement.

Singleness > Dating > Engagement > Marriage > Love > Children

We all know about engagements. The man gets down on one knee and asks the woman the big question. You plan to spend the rest of your lives together in holy matrimony. Everything is peaches and cream. But, let’s talk about before you get to the wedding. During the engagement stage, they are three main things you want to make sure you have tackled head on before you tie the knot.

Discuss your relationship fears
Agree on boundaries
Have focused conversations

You want to have open communication with your partner and discuss the deeper content of the relationship that you may find challenging to discuss. Really, these three things would be great to discuss while you are intentionally dating before you become engaged. Once, you guys see eye to eye on these things is when you should feel comfortable tying the knot.

Singleness > Dating > Engagement > Marriage > Love > Children

Marriage is the stage where you and your partner are one with God. As I stated in the previous blog, 1 + 1 + 1 = 1 because you, your spouse, and God are all one! During marriage you are, also, able to practice SAFE sex.

S is for sacred. Meaning it is set apart and considered holy. It is connected and dedicated to God.

A is for anointed. Meaning God has stamped his approval.

F is for faithful. Meaning to strive to remain faithful to God and your spouse.

E is for exclusive. Meaning sex should only be between the two of you.

Singleness > Dating > Engagement > Marriage > Love > Children

Now, many of you may be wondering why love comes after marriage in this relationship progression. Trust me, I was too. According to Michael Todd, once you are married and committed to each other for life, a fuller, more mature love will be discovered. One that goes much deeper than the surface. I assume only married couples can attest to that (and I am not married).

Singleness > Dating > Engagement > Marriage > Love > Children

Then, lastly, comes children. Bringing children into the world to build a family and to carry own a legacy is a beautiful thing. Children are offspring. To create a human being that is half of you and your spouse is magical. Children are a blessing and once you have already accomplished the five stages prior to children in the progression of relationships, then reproducing and creating a perfect little human being with your spouse is the “cherry on top”.

Have a Target and Good Aim

Blog #1 of the Relationship Goals series based on the book by Michael Todd

Before entering into a relationship, you may want to take time to re-examine your target. As we go through life our needs vary, so we need to make sure our targets align with our needs at the time. Not sure what is the right target for you? That is okay because God will help us find the right target and straighten our aim at the same time.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.
Pslams 32:8 NKJV

The best human relationships flow out of a relationship with God. Whether those relationships may be friendships or partnerships, they all flow from Him. Ask yourself “does this relationship help me?” and if your answer is yes, then it is most likely from God. However, in order for God to send you the right person for a relationship, you must first know and understand your purpose. God created Adam first. Allowed Adam to build a relationship with him. It was just them two in the Garden of Eve. Soon, God gave Adam the purpose of watching over of the garden. Adam was placed on Earth to watch over God’s creation. Later, God created Eve. After Adam already knew and understood his purpose, Eve was able to support him and help him fulfill this purpose. Moral of the story is to allow God to guide you. He will send that person who gets your purpose, believes in it as much as you do, and love you unconditionally. They will come along and they will fit right into your life.

Attachment Styles

Information received from the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller

Attachment styles are ways in which people perceive and respond to intimacy in relationships. Secure people feel completely comfortable with intimacy and are usually the people who have a warm and loving spirit. Anxious people typically crave intimacy and are the people who tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back. Avoidant people associate intimacy with a loss of independence and try to diminish closeness with their partner.

All people in our society fall into one of these categories, or, maybe even, into a combination (anxious and avoidant). 50 percent are secure, 20 percent are anxious, 25 percent are avoidant, and 3-5 percent fall into the combination category.

In a previous blog post, I discussed the three main attachment styles and how they correlate with your upbringing. It was conjectured that your attachment style is determined by the way you were cared for as a child. Today, however, it is known that attachment styles during adulthood are influenced by a variety of factors. One factor is the way our parents cared for us, but others come into play, such as our life experiences.

Attachment theory is based on the allegation that the need to be in a close relationship is ingrained in our genes. John Bowlby realized that we have been programmed by evolution. We have been bred to be dependent on a significant other. The need starts in the womb and ends when we die. Bowlby suggested that throughout evolution, genetic selection favored people who became attached because it provided a survival advantage.

Although we all have a need to form close bonds with others, the way we create these close bonds varies. In an alarming situation, it would be less advantageous to invest your time and energy into one person because to you it would make more sense to detach yourself from them and move on. This means you are the avoidant attachment style. Another option is to be persistent and refulgent about staying close to someone. This means you are the anxious attachment style. A secure attachment style person finds forming intimate bonds with someone would greatly benefit both parties.

Seeing people in the light of their attachment style allows the labels “healthy” and “unhealthy” to disappear. None of them are looked at as “pathological”. Attachment styles allow situations to be understandable, predictable, and expected. For example, you stay with someone even though they are not sure they love you? Understandable! You want to leave, but a few moments later you want to stay? Understandable! However, that does not mean that such behaviors are effective and worthwhile. Those with secure attachment styles know how to communicate. They know how to express their expectations and respond to their partner’s needs. For the other two attachment styles, understanding is only the beginning.

The attachment styles are for all people! For people who are dating, in the early stages of a relationship, and even for those who are in a long-term relationship. For people who are going through a breakup or grieving the loss of a loved one. Stay tuned for the blog posts to come as I will dive deeper into the attachment styles to help us all make better decisions in our personal lives because they play a tremendous part in our lives. Your style determines your behavior and attitude. Things that happened in the past will be seen from a new perspective and your motives will become clearer. You will learn what your needs are and the type of person you should be with in order to be truly happy. You will understand why someone you have built a bond with thinks and acts the way they do. You will experience change…for the better!

Dating as a Millennial

Romantic relationships were much easier when we were younger. If someone liked us, then they told us and if we liked them back, then we became a couple. Today, things have gotten much more complicated. Below is a list of reasons why dating as a millennial may be difficult.

Ghosting
- If we are no longer interested in dating someone, then we ghost them. We don’t tell them and think it’s okay because it is over text messages or social media. However, it is not okay. Communicate and explain why you may no longer be interested.
Sex
- Scarily, sex is easily available. A swipe of a finger is all it takes now. No one is willing to put any effort into getting to know someone unless they are willing to undress first. 9 times out of 10, sex does not lead to a relationship. Sex leads to confusion, heartache, and other one night stands with other people. Your body is your temple. Cherish it and protect it! Everyone does not deserve to be let in.
Emotions
- For some reason, these days, showing emotions is heavily frowned upon. If someone, especially a man, shows they care and are interested, then the person becomes standoffish and runs in the opposite direction. Why? Instead, be flattered and accepting. Show gratitude that someone feels comfortable enough to share their emotions with you.
Competition
- Social media plays a huge part in relationships today. Everyone feels like they have to be in competition with each other. You see one couple happy, traveling the world, and doing all these things, so you feel like you and your partner have to do the same. That is not okay. Stop idolizing other couples. Every relationship is different. What works for one couple may not work for your relationship.
Strategic
- Whether you may realize it or not, when approaching a relationship it comes naturally to be very strategic. For instance, responding right away comes across as desperate, thirsty, and too available so we time how long we take to respond to a message. Why? Instant messaging is supposed to be instant! Stop trying to show how busy you are, important you may be, and unattached you are. If you are both interested in each other, then there is no reason to be strategic. Just let it flow!
Perfection
- Social media, movies, songs, TV shows, and the list goes on…makes us believe we are entitled to a fairy tale love story that does not exist. We cut people off who does not meet this criteria and look for the next best thing who will somehow still not meet this criteria. No one will ever be good enough with this mindset. You must realize relationships are a balanced bond, meaning with amazing things come imperfections as well.
Options
- Millennials are overloaded with options. We don’t believe we need to settle because there are always someone better. Better looking, better job, better family life, better hobbies, better bank account, better morals, etc. We move from person to person and even if we land on someone who makes us feel phenomenal and who we could totally devote ourselves to in a relationship, we never quit our search. The never-ending journey becomes a thrill. Millennials seems to enjoy the chase and the thrill of the search more so than the prize itself.
Content
- While navigating the journey to find love, many find that they have entered into a life that is happy and rewarding without someone to love. Being content and happy in life without a partner makes it much harder to invite a relationship into your life. There is not anything wrong with being happy and comfortable on your own. However, there may be someone waiting for you to let them in to add to your happiness.
Stuck
- Commitment (defined by a millennial): A relationship with no strings attached. There is no title (girlfriend, boyfriend, partner). Just two people enjoying each other’s company and being intimate with one another. Often times we are stuck in a grey area because we are left wondering where the relationship is headed, if anywhere, and plague ourselves with wondering if we are wasting our time. No one is clear about their intentions. Some even lie about their intentions because they have this big ego. Basically, no one has a clue what is going on.
- Stop putting yourself into these types of situations. Stand up for you what you want because more than likely you want that title, you want to be exclusive, and you want to be fully committed with no grey areas.
Accountability
- Start taking some accountability. We don’t feel accountable for the pain we inflict onto others and that is an issue. When we have hurt someone feelings, we do not feel the need to apologize because it is not our problem it is theirs. Wrong! Take accountability and apologize. Understand when you are wrong, why you may be wrong, and apologize. Take ownership over your actions.
- Gaslighting falls into this category for me as well. If you have done something, then take accountability for that instead of switching it onto your partner to make them feel like it was their fault when it wasn’t. Do not become a manipulative person. It is much easier to just own up to what you may have done, apologize for it, and move on.

*This blog was inspired by Andrea Wesley*